This weekend was melodramatic, disturbing, acid-washed, cocaine-filled and full of alcohol.
My heart doesn’t hurt at the moment, it may come later but at the moment it doesn’t hurt.
Bonefied-a-lovin’ and MGMT are now.
Zodiac signs and witchcraft are on the top of my priority list.
Facebook and musicians are dicks (or more properly termed; rogue things).
I need Insomniacs for Dummies or something.
I purchased Aquarius (your personal horoscope 2010/15 month forecast) for myself because I take the zodiac as a religion almost and then I purchased Evermore for my omma who is addicted to immortal and supernatural beings.
I’m starting to gain a liking to headaches and telling everyone, ‘my head hurts.’
For two reasons: 1) Sympathy and 2) Pain.
Although the second one might be kind of ‘emo’ it’s true and I’m sticking to that kind of term.
Trust; is someone nobody has or carries themselves with.
Well, we probably trust the whole world because it’s only natural that humans want to trust other humans and not expect them to lie.
Obviously for many reasons (and this is the TRUTH) we can only trust ourselves.
Werewolves and moons is so mainstream right now I don’t even want to buy it but I’m so obsessed with the werewolf/moon tee-shirts it’s anything far from sane.
I met two kids today. End of story.
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Labels: evermore, facebook, mgmt

I thought today was the turning point of every single miserable thing that has happened to me.
Turns out I was wrong. Of course,
Turns out I'm basically bathing and cascading in all of these complications.
For once, in a very, very, very long time I thought that things could be done and I had a little ounce of hope.
I thought I could move on but the truth is I still can't.
Maybe I can but I'm not trying hard enough or maybe I don't want to try. Maybe I'm stubborn enough to not want to move on.
I can't put the past in the past and I can't put the future in the future.
You're gone and I should be optimistic but you're gone and of course I'm pessimistic.
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Everything suddenly seems amazing and then suddenly everything has turned into apocalypse. Literally,
I honestly don’t know what to do anymore.
I feel like the agony and pain in my chest will never leave and this feeling in my gut (although it must be indicating something good) – I want it to leave. 
As foolish as this sounds, I want to be drugged or I want to sleep forever.
All the “orchids” in my life are becoming little pigments of the devil.
I’m becoming more and more drained and disoriented.
I’m becoming more and more exhausted and tired.
I just want all of this raw emotional pain to end.
Everything in my mind is literally morphing into something macabre and morbid.
Everything in my mind is turning into something it’s not and as much as I would like to forget about the pain, I’d rather it still be there so I’d have a reminder about all the glorifying delusions I have in my mind and in my slumber.
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1, 2, 3.
1, I can never forget. Never. I will never.
2, If I have to lose him, I will, I will if I really have to.
I don’t want to be selfish and greedy but 1 is the only thing I want and when he is gone, 2, is who I turn to – the only person who makes me forget about 1.
*
1, was the most perfect person I’ve ever met. A god who doesn’t know it.
1, has many of what people would say, ‘flaws’ but for me I would say that all of them together make him perfection.
He is everything I see and everything I dream.
He will never leave my sight, touch or mind.
1, saved me from those reckless and countless dooms.
He may never realize that he did but he did and he did it so well.
1, is the reason I breathe today.
1, is the only blindness that blocks my sight.
1, is the only numb feeling I get when I touch or feel something.
1, will never leave my mind. Never.
*
2, is the complete opposite of 1.
2, is a soldier.
2, is selfless yet heartless.
2, is beautiful yet unattractive.
The butterflies that erupt in the pit of my stomach are the happiness he inflicts on me.
These butterflies are controllable; however, they can stop whenever I want them to stop.
The pain from 1 is almost numb when I’m with 2.
He brings me happiness and bliss;
what every other girl definitely wants.
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I would give the world, the universe to be with 1.
But unfortunately, I don’t own the world/universe and I definitely don’t own 1.
If I ever capture him it will be out of pity or blackmail.
It will never be true;
nor will it be pure.
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2 would make me happy and blissful.
But unfortunately, I can’t do anything with him.
Even if I try to deny it he is almost like a duplicate of 1.
They seem completely opposite but their similarities shine so bright.
If I ever capture him it will be out of a desperate remedy or a last resort.
I will never be real;
nor will it be authentic.
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I wish I had a calling.
I wish I had good luck.
I wish I was beautiful.
I wish this would end in happiness.

Labels: lackla